This is not the original text I wrote to be the first on the new site and the first of 2021. The text I had written tells the story of my last relationship. It\’s called \”The last blow of the male who pretended to be a prince\”.
Just by the title you can imagine how good it wasn\’t. It was actually really good that it ended. I was able to breathe relieved again after a while. And, as always, I learned valuable lessons from this short, intense, toxic and abusive relationship. Oops! Toxic? Again?
This is exactly why I decided to change the direction of the article. Well, there are actually two reasons. The first is that the guy doesn\’t deserve even one more line in the text of my life. The second is the interesting fact that this was not my first abusive relationship. But it was undoubtedly the most cruel and disturbing.
For those interested in knowing in more detail what this relationship was like, I\’ll make some reports, this and others too, on Cinderela\’s social media.
Here I will only make a summary to support the reflection.
The first month the guy acted like a kind prince. Helpful, he was always putting himself as the most selfless person in the world. Romantic, saying there was a connection, that he hoped he could make me happy, that he had finally found someone to be devoted to and that he was in love. Self-aware, admitting he\’d been wrong in the past but that I made him want to be better. Misunderstood, poor thing. The only person who truly loved him his mother had died, the rest of the family only criticized him.
My experience and intuition told me that there was something wrong there, from day one. But, I thought it was too early to draw conclusions, maybe it was better to wait. And he was so sweet, he seemed so sensitive…
Little did I know that the manipulations had already begun and that shortly afterwards the behavior would literally change overnight.
He would pull away and then move closer, causing me to be confused, hoping the guy I met was in there somewhere. It would make me question my concepts of love, rationality and even intuitions. I would blame myself for his behavior, admitting not even a betrayal or a lie. He would act like a thoughtful, caring guy when he realized I was pulling away. He would realize that I was paralyzed, with the energy exhausted to take any action and would intensify the abuse.
He would distort reality in his favor, out of jealousy, insecurity or anything he could use to justify his actions. And even after I finally managed to get out of the relationship, he would torture me with messages, questioning my position, still trying to punish me, blame me, put himself as the victim of the situation.
It took me a while to free myself psychologically from that relationship. The guilt was huge! For having stayed there since the first move, since the moment I felt that relationship was draining my energy, messing with my peace and security. After all, I had already been through two other toxic relationships. But why did I feel like that one had hurt me more than any other?
It was only then, after getting my balance back and starting to read up on the subject, that I instantly realized that I had been in a relationship with a narcissist. Sure! Everything beat. Nobody changes suddenly. The nice guy I met never existed!
And in that case, princesses and princes, the strongest and most experienced of women may be subject to falling into the hands of an unscrupulous person such as a narcissist. It is enough that they perceive some vulnerability and that you are a little distracted from yourself.
They are selfish, lying, manipulative, compulsive and cruel. They often leave a trail of destruction wherever they go. Pretend to be everything you didn\’t even know you were looking for. They want to be anything that makes you minimally dependent on them. That\’s why they look for gaps, weaknesses, shortcomings and make it their weapon for cold conquest.
Even worse, loves, if you\’re as Pollyana-like as I am! You know that person who tries to see the bright side of everything and everyone? That maybe I haven\’t developed enough malice to live in this world where there are cruel people by choice? That perhaps still retains much of the naivety of the inner child? Well, that\’s me!
And nothing I experienced before prepared me for this type of relationship, despite all the strength, courage and self-knowledge acquired so far. But much of my lifelong search for myself prepared me to recover after it. If it weren\’t for that, I don\’t know how or where I would be right now.
That\’s when I started to question: how could someone so cruel enter my life through a small gap and do such damage? Was the rift deeper than I thought? Perhaps. There is no doubt that I must continue to work on unconscious issues and try to find the causes why I ended up in such an unhealthy relationship again.
Anyway, isn\’t it strange at the least how many women we see suffering in toxic and abusive relationships compared to the number of men?
This questioning is even more intriguing when I think that there are not many men out there seeking self-knowledge, doing therapy, meditating, reading and working on their relationships.
We come to the point X of the question, ladies and gentlemen. It is not just a question of self-knowledge, but of social change. The world still belongs to men, made by them and for them. Patriarchal and sexist society has always been here to tell us that cheating, lying, commanding, controlling, limiting, diminishing, raising your voice, offending, assaulting is normal for men.
This is so imposing that we hear from our mothers, grandmothers and even friends that we have to act like this or like that to be accepted BY THEM! We were born and raised in the unconscious expectation that one day we would have a man to care for and protect us, a prince to save us from the dangers of the world!
No, princess, you don\’t need anyone! The world convinced you that you were incomplete, incapable of being happy alone and that it\’s ok to accept someone\’s crumbs to have just a few moments of joy. Because men are like that, right?! Unable to give more as they are super busy running the planet.
You don\’t have a rotten finger, my love, it\’s not your fault for ending up in abusive relationships with scrotum men! The real thing is that this world belongs to them and their world is rotten!
Think about it: with so many scumbag men out there, not bumping into one of them would be rare. So take responsibility for knowing this world exists, take responsibility for its change! Because that\’s what you can do, realize that you were born complete, that you are awesome!
And when you change, the world around you will start to change too. You will see that you never had anything rotten, that there is nothing wrong with you and everything that is wrong out there will no longer reach you. Because now you see it and you won\’t let it happen anymore!