When I opened Instagram today to post, I remembered that my last post had been about falling and learning to fly.
Interesting because I had already been reflecting on what makes us fall, how painful the fall is and how much we really evolve through pain.
Some falls are so bad that some people never recover and many never get back to who they were. Good or bad, falling can always lead to an almost inevitable transformation.
The fall I am referring to here was literal, notwithstanding the consequence of a metaphorical, slow and gradual plummet. In that case, I can\’t separate them completely. But greater than the physical pain is the pain of the heart.
It hurts to know that the fall was predicted. I\’m about to have a meltdown, she said a few weeks ago. I traveled for two days to try to regain my energy, believing that leaving the suffocating São Paulo would help me to leave behind what had been hurting me. It clearly wasn\’t enough. As if I had clarity of everything that was taking away my joy. A blackout and I fell flat on my face, not knowing how it happened.
A known feature of my body when I\’m in a lot of pain. He turns me off. I just never thought it could happen when the pain wasn\’t physical. But my energies were gone and I collapsed like a building without a foundation.
Months ago, I began to wake up to deeper questions about abuse. One of them about how much they take away our energy, our vitality. Do we leave parts of ourselves behind or do we let them cover up needs, unconscious gaps, what we can\’t see?
The demands we women are subjected to to meet standards can be as imperative as they are submerged in the depths of our minds. It seems contradictory, but it is not.
Let\’s stop to think for a second how much we abuse ourselves, conditioned to be abused by that patriarchal society I often mention.
We abuse our strength, denying our limits because we grow up being so demanded and held accountable for everything, that automatically, when the other is not doing it, we do it with ourselves.
We don\’t learn to trust our instincts, the most sacred wisdom that being a woman has. We don\’t know how to welcome ourselves, how to calm down.
We can be optimistic, we work on our faith and we really believe that everything passes and that everything will work out. But is an optimism coming from an intuitive belief in our divine or from experience? After all, we\’ve been through so much and we\’re here alive! Alive? How do we really stay alive after going through traumatic situations?
I stick with the first option. Because learning through pain hasn\’t stopped me from falling. Without a doubt, it has taught me to fly, look for new ways of living, try to feel what is best for me and try to free myself from everything that prevents me from growing. But the real truth is that I don\’t believe we will stop falling. The question is, how will we continue to fall?
Because what we cannot do is keep falling without realizing it, driven by an unconscious mind full of gaps, alien to reality, social and individual!
I felt like I started falling out months ago. But I didn\’t know what to do to stop the sudden jerk of my body that rubbed my face on the floor.
I was \”living\”. In fact, taking. I was actually living in a recent and comfortable past, as well as in anticipation of an uncertain future. My gift is a blank page, which I haven\’t quite known how to write on.
And how many of us are living like this? No matter how aware we try to be, no matter how many years of life we have already lived, why do we continue to abuse ourselves and allow the external to affect us so much?
We are strong, but never strongholds. We have a human and imperfect limit of not being shaken, for sure. But we need to be aware of the abuses we subject ourselves to every day, starting with the first thoughts we have when we wake up. Self-abuse can be immensely more damaging than abuse in a relationship.
And please, this is not about victim blaming, ever. I\’m here intending to draw attention to deeper issues of abuse.
The more love please must come from within. Taking care of ourselves as the most precious asset in the world must be a habit as ingrained as the one we have to self-criticize, compare and limit ourselves by the models imposed by the world around us.
Stopping abuse means firstly knowing our weaknesses, real desires, putting the ego in its place and listening to our soul, because that\’s where we keep our sacredness, that\’s where all the instructions for the path of happiness come from.
Let\’s stop to think before something stops us!