In the last two weeks I have seen terrible episodes of harassment involving women that made me find time to write, after almost a year, because I couldn\'t just let it go.
The first in question is the case of student Patricia Linhares, from the Unisagrado biomedicine course - Bauru, SP, Brazil. The student was humiliated for being a mature freshman, by other students from the same course who recorded a video where they asked \"How do you unenroll someone?\". They even mentioned that Patricia should be retired, as she was already forty years old and, according to her younger colleagues, would be too old to study.
I was shocked by the video, because in last January, the same month I turned forty, just like Patrícia, I fulfilled a big dream: studying abroad. The interesting thing is that I have never felt so motivated and energetic to study as I do now. I never felt old or gave up on my dream because I thought it wasn\'t for me. And, unlike humiliation, I only received praise and admiring comments from colleagues and teachers. However, I don\'t live in Brazil...
In the second case, two men harassed a woman on a nationally televised reality show and when they were expelled from the program, apparently due to pressure from sponsors, they were shocked by the reason why they were removed from the reality show.
There are so many connections between the two episodes, but not that evident, because one was committed by young women and the other by men. In one the existence of ageism, in the other sexual harassment, both an abuse, one of the eldest children of patriarchy.
Let\'s start with the men then, who benefit from the patriarchal system to exercise any kind of freedom they are taught to have as men, to explore a woman\'s body the way they want. Whether touching them, or kissing without the victim\'s consent, ignoring the \"no\".
These men grew up in a misogynistic society, where they weren\'t told that was completely wrong. Rather, they were given permission to abuse. Defended, not only by men, but also by women, under the excuse that they made \"a mistake\".
The women who defend them, mother and wife, are not blinded by love. They are blinded by a structure that taught them to forgive men, even before they might commit any crime against a woman; who hold women accountable for the abuse committed against them; who question their clothing when they are victims of rape; which demands from them the position of sanctity, of being responsible for maintaining the family, even if under the penalty of losing themselves, even if under the pain of living in the obscurity of their real position in this world: minorities, exploited and humiliated in some way, every day.
They were also taught that jealousy, possessiveness and aggressiveness are faults. They don\'t understand the root of the problem. They can\'t, because they\'ve been trained in every way so they don\'t see it. Imagine if we were able to perceive the differences in the treatment between men and women from a young age? Imagine, if instead of having told us that it was normal for men to raise their voices to women, to act with tyranny, insults, they had been told that nobody has the right to treat women that way, to diminish them, what would have we become today? There is no way we can individually make changes to the way we are treated. Believing that if we are good enough, practicing self-development, spirituality or whatever it is, without being aware of this structure, it will help to transform this system that oppresses us so much. This will not make daughters, nieces, granddaughters, sisters, girlfriends suffer any less. Because this world is still dominated by men, who abuse how and when they want, because they are authorized to do so, including women.
This is where the girls who abused Patrícia come in. They are a great example that the patriarchy will continue to make its victims and will even use women for this. The young women of Bauru, MC Guime\' and Cara-de-Sapato, are children of this system, which establishes standards to be followed.
A man can do anything, just not showing sentimentality, which is often reflected in his aggressive behavior. Women are not allowed to get old, go back to school at any age, date someone younger, get fat, have fun when they\'re a mother, get pregnant if they want to invest in their careers, don\'t get pregnant if their partner wants a child, no having a child, having sexual freedom, earning the same wages, running for the same high-ranking positions, owning your own body, telling jokes, not having a sense of humor, saying what you think, not saying what you think, saying no. These are some, among so many other rules, that we learn since we were little girls and that we must silently follow if we want to be appreciated minimally in this system.
No, it wasn\'t a mistake! In neither case. These are situations that are repeated every day, within the false normality governed by the patriarchal system. I hope that in the future men will take responsibility for their acts of harassment and violence against women, whether verbal or physical. May their peers, mothers and partners, be able to listen to so many women who have already been harassed and, above all, themselves. And that the girls of Bauru, with their youthful ignorance, learn in what niche they are placed in this world, because one day they will also be women of forty and, with a lot of luck or conscience, they will have Patricia\'s courage to start over, as many times as they find it necessary, without fear of other people\'s judgments!