A long time ago I ended up choosing not to be so angry anymore. She lived nervous, she didn\’t keep hurt but she didn\’t build up anger either lol. But Merida\’s freewheeling personality didn\’t suit the Prince Charming I married. To be his little princess (as he literally called me) I had to be calm, contain rebellious impulses and consequently my anger. I remember an emasculating argument we had our first year of marriage. We were in the car, I don\’t even remember why we were fighting, I just remember being really pissed off, my voice changed and saying holy shit! to vent my anger. The prince looked at me and calmly said something like \”lower your voice and watch how you speak, otherwise you will lose respect and I don\’t know if this marriage will last\”. Hey? At the time I shut up and wanted to cry. Although we never fought, he made it clear that this was not the woman he wanted to be married to. And I really wanted to be married to that Prince! So I ended up giving up not only my angry impulses but any negative behavior to that fairy tale.
Sometimes I\’ve even said that my marriage saved me from my Hulk side, but only now do I realize how much that side was necessary for me. Of course, we make concessions to make a relationship work, but ripping off a leg so you can look like your crippled partner isn\’t going to make you any better, not yourself, and in time maybe not him. it helped to be more patient and better analyze the situation before expressing myself. Having a more peaceful, zen side is wonderful, especially for making decisions. But when the situation has passed the limit of my patience and I\’m still there trying to be tolerant and calm it already becomes repression of emotions, worse, it\’s often an arrogance disguised as good manners, an attempt to appear to be superior, more rational than than the other! Come to think of it I\’ve never been the type to fight with a boyfriend in front of people and I\’ve never called a single one of them names, so what\’s the harm in letting out a curse word and breaking the fuck up (in a figurative sense, of course) when something or someone crosses the line? limits? Today I passed in front of a construction site where the barriers that delimit the land were marked with the word French. I had passed by there other times and always cursed mentally. But today I didn\’t hold back, today I decided to show the middle finger and still post the photo! A friend laughed horribly, she knew what it was about. I replied by relearning how to express my anger. She replied I loved it. Why did she love it? Because that\’s me! This is her! Like many others who sometimes feel repressed in her way of being. Feeling obliged to behave the opposite of what they are. I stopped!