Due to trust issues, in men and in myself, at a very young age I came to believe that I would spend the rest of my life single, self-sufficient and happily ever after in my stone tower. But I completely forgot about my Cinderella side and deep down I was always looking for someone to share life with me. Unconsciously, I set a pattern. Unsure of myself the guy would have to be a Prince for me to bother throwing my lock and descending from my tower. So all my boyfriends had to face battles and prove how much they loved me in order to be with me. I married the one I believed to be the most perfect of them all.
It took me years of marriage for me to realize that in fact he really only wanted my Princess side. I suffered a fairytale curse trying to maintain, but at the same time change, the protocols of that Royal Wedding. I couldn\’t and had to go back to the forest, a world I had left a long time ago and in which I no longer knew how to survive.
Like Snow White, I wanted to be free and at the same time find someone who really liked me and all seven of my super close male friends. This one would be the guy!
After two years of kissing frogs and rediscovering my sexuality and about to embark on a trip abroad from which I had no idea when I would return, I met the guy. This one was special, this one was different. This one wasn\’t perfect, I thought. He liked to drink and a good samba, like me. This one wasn\’t perfect, he did Happy Hour with his friends, like me. This one was real. The chemistry was incredible. What was sex with Prince Charming really like?
Two perfect months together and off I went on my journey, with full support from my real boyfriend. After a month of living abroad he proposed to me via text message, drunk, missing me terribly. That was the guy. But who was I?
Only recently did I realize that I was interpreting a new fairy tale, but with a different prince and different plots, with the exception of Cinderella who speaks to you.
I ended up not coming back. Something inside me told me that I had to stay, that it wasn\’t time yet. I officially broke up with the guy some time later, but we continued to talk like great friends and he became a reference of a great man to have by your side. Yes, he would be the right person for me.
Living abroad, I decided to live life intensely, take risks, expose myself. In today\’s fairy tales, that includes trying dating apps. I threw myself, without a parachute, into this virtual world, not at all enchanted.
In one of these meetings I ended up meeting a guy, a real Shrek. Nothing perfect. Full of fears. Afraid of intimacy. Fully enclosed. We went days without talking or seeing each other. Made me all insecure. Until I received or sent a message and we met, in his swamp, always, isolated from civilization. We never got out of there. I was mentally always comparing him to the guy. Until one day I decided to issue an ultimatum, like \”either you change or we\’ll end up not seeing each other anymore\”. Deep down he knew he would never see that ogre again. But why did I cry and break down when I realized this a while later?
With all my pride, believing it to be self-esteem, I continued my search for the guy. I found a few options, but none suited me. And every now and then I missed Shrek terribly. I started to think about why that longing. I noticed how affectionate he was when we were together. How safe he made me feel in his embrace. And even though he didn\’t go out with me, he didn\’t mind that I went out alone with my friends and even picked me up from their house once. But what hurt the most was remembering that the day I gave him the ultimatum I was so sure of what I was doing that I didn\’t pay attention when he said he liked everything about me, citing my personality first.
I remembered years ago when my sister separated from her prince. She then engaged in a relationship with a Shrek, the opposite of her ex. Her friends were more important in his life than she was. He didn\’t give her the attention she wanted and deserved for being so devoted to him. I saw her cry many times. I couldn\’t understand. How could she accept him not treating her like a princess? It was definitely a lack of self-esteem, I thought.
Today I can understand perfectly. Part of her knew she needed that relationship. He gave her all the freedom to travel and invest in her career. That guy made her focus on her own life and become more fulfilled as a woman today. That relationship broke her out of the vicious cycle of traditional fairy tales. No, it wasn\’t a lack of self-esteem. Today she has the opportunity to rewrite her own imperfect fairy tale and inspires me to write mine.
As for the \”guy\”? I don\’t think about him anymore. I actually think. I think about how much he didn\’t really know me. I think about how perfect he saw me, just like the previous ones and how much I saw him perfect like Prince Charming.
Don\’t get me wrong, there\’s nothing wrong with wanting to be a princess, wanting someone by your side and that someone treats you very well, that\’s a matter of self-esteem. But we can write our own true fairy tale that helps us grow individually. No perfect prince charmings and princesses in need of rescuing, please!